Red – Malbec – Tilia – $11.99

 

Wine Name: Tilia Malbec
Producer: Tilia Wines, Argentina
Price: $11.99
Date Purchased: April 8, 2025
Store: Abbey Road Wines & Spirits
Location: 877 10th Ave, New York, NY 10019
Phone: (212) 877-5757

Tilia with the blurry warm portrait focus she deserves.

    Tilia Malbec tastes like communion wine — and I mean that in the most reverent way possible. It has that rich, velvety, slightly nostalgic quality that makes you feel like something bigger than yourself is happening… or at the very least, that you’re about to overshare with a stranger and feel great about it.

    It’s dry, yes, but with a rounded softness. A whisper of tartness that’s more personality than flaw. This is a red that makes you believe in yourself again — like maybe you could finish your taxes, text your ex with dignity, and still have the energy to dismantle late-stage capitalism in a well-cut blazer. It’s the kind of wine that lets you think about how, yeah, we could pull off a liberal January 6th — you know, if it came to that (and it’s looking like it might come to that, guys).

    Now, the label? A fever dream. It looks like a pumpkin spice girlie and a deceased steampunk fixie-bike ghost had a psychic collision during an ayahuasca trip at Burning Man and decided to start a wine brand. I mean that with love. It’s chaotic. It’s extra. And somehow… it works.

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Ratings:

🍇 Taste: 4.5/5 – Velvety and warm, like it was blessed by a moody priest with impeccable taste.
💃 Vibe: 5/5 – Empowering. Drink it when you’re plotting something beautiful and mildly unhinged.
🎨 Label Coolness: 2.5/5 – Totally insane, slightly possessed, but weirdly on-brand for 2025.
💸 Value: 5/5 – $11.99?? In this economy?? A miracle.
🛋️ Where You’d Drink It: During a late-night DTR talk with yourself.
🌵 Dryness Scale: 4/5 – Dry but not austere. Friendly, not flinty.
🫧 Effervescence Scale: 1/5 – Still as the tension between you and your coworker during budget season.

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Final Verdict:

✅ PASS THE GLASS — This is the kind of wine that reminds you hope isn't dead — she’s just on a budget.